Life with My New Baby, Breastfeeding, Working from Home, and Trying to be Still

Hi friends!

It's been a while since I wrote something. I'm breastfeeding while typing this, actually. It's been over a month since I gave birth to my beautiful baby boy- Qelton Aiden. His name means "Energetic Little Fire". Very poetic, isn't it? The month was a blur to me, he is growing so fast. I was in active labor for more than 11 hours. Qelton was delivered normally. I won't go over the details of labor too much but I can tell you one thing --it was PAINFUL! But when I finally heard my baby cry, oh, how all the pain vanished. Every part of my body that hurt was replaced with relief and joy. I was proud of him and he didn't have to do anything. I felt like crying at the time but the tears never came. Instead, I smiled. I stayed at the hospital for almost two days.

The first weeks with my new baby were tough but very rewarding. There were a lot of changes in my body, in our home, in my schedule, and in my relationship with my husband. My body had to recover from the strains of labor and I walked in a really weird way for a month because of the stitches. Our home wasn't such a mess because my mom stayed with us for a whole month but of course, the clean house didn't come without an earful. I worked from home which is such a blessing. Sadly, I have to say bye to teaching English for a little while because it is not conducive to my new lifestyle with my baby. I know my regular students would understand if the baby suddenly cries in the middle of the lesson but I'm not sure how other students would react to those disturbances to the lessons. I don't want to get bad stars or inconvenience anyone so I decided to stop teaching for now.

I can talk about my routine in a different blog. For now, I can say that the first days coming home with Qelton were challenging. I had little to no sleep. He has to be fed constantly. It hurt when I breastfed him. It hurt even more when I couldn't produce enough milk for him. I was struggling. Fortunately, I had a ton of support from my family and my new-found mom friends. Mom power, unlocked! One friend even brought me seashell soup. It warmed up my soul and gave me hope that I'd be able to produce more milk. I took some supplements as well, tried to sleep as much as I could (because sleep is important for milk production), stayed hydrated, and massaged my breasts. I also tried not to feel too insecure about the moms I saw on TikTok who made lots of milk during one pumping session. Nobody told me breastfeeding would be this hectic. It was draining not only physically, but emotionally. It was difficult for me emotionally when I thought that I couldn't give my baby enough milk that he needed. I felt so bad and guilty. When I was younger, I thought mother's milk just flowed like how water flows out of a faucet. But nah... I was DEAD WRONG!

Fast-forward to now, I believe I'm doing better than those first few weeks. Qelton is 4 kilograms the last time we checked. I'm glad because that means he is getting enough milk as he should. He doesn't let us sleep well though which, I was told, was normal. I'm getting used to it too. In the mornings, between 6 and 7 am, I arise and take Qelton out in the sun. His pediatrician recommended it. I love going on these 15 to 20-minute sunbathing sessions with my son. I get to ponder about a lot of things.

Before and after being a mom, many things have changed but my life is still very hectic and busy. Slowing down, being still, these were missing in my life. I want to be able to grasp these concepts now. Qelton is growing up very fast. Well, sometimes, I want him to grow up immediately so we can play together, so we can sleep soundly together. But when I look at him, I can't help but feel time is running quickly and I feel emotional. I want to be still and cherish every moment with my baby. I want to slow down time so we can be together like this. I want to keep him in my arms forever. Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself here but that is the truth. I miss him even when he's just here with me. I didn't know this would be what it feels like to be a mother. I'm sure each mother feels differently and experiences different things. But this love--I hope it's a universal thing.

I learned a lot about myself since my baby came into my life and I'm excited to experience more of life with my growing family.

Till next time,

Aya