"The Power of Art: Exploring My Passion for Drawing"
June 6, Thursday
Today, I woke up at 4:30 as usual despite the stomachache I had last night. I feel grateful for my body because it has worked its wonder the whole night and I felt better in the morning. It's great because I didn't have to cancel my English classes with my students. My first class was so light for me. I was teaching a new student. I forgot what conversation we were having initially but wound up talking about art and I showed him mine. These past few days, I've been working on filling my sketchbook and practicing drawing. I just love seeing my work, and at the same time, I feel disgusted by the ugly artwork I've made etching itself onto the sketchbook.
My student said he loved looking at art but not making it. He said, "I admire artists because people like me, when I'm gone, I'm gone. But artists' work continue to bring joy to others even after they die." His words sunk deep into me that morning. I think all of us want to be remembered. Leave something behind. Bring joy to people even after we're gone. I never thought of drawing as something like that. I told my newfound friend that because of our conversation, his thoughts will live on because I'll keep them in my journal. And true to my promise, I'm writing and sharing his wonderful thoughts with you here.
What do you want people to say about you after you're gone? As for me, I have thought about this sometime in the past. I think it would be wonderful if our works showed others who we were or who we are. I want to fill up this sketchbook while I'm pregnant. I want to look back at this pregnancy knowing I did things for my child to get to know me before I became a mom. Sometimes I worry. Would I be a villain? Would I be a good parent? What if I fall short? What if I don't know what to do? Much of this thinking happens while I'm drawing or painting something. As I embrace art in this stage of life, I realize how flawed I am, and how flawed my works are. But despite my weaknesses, most of the art I make ends up alright. I guess what I'm trying to say is that, through this exercise of making room for art in my day-to-day life, I learn lessons about myself. I learn that it is important to take your time. If you do something quickly, it doesn't always mean you'll mess up. Maybe it will end up acceptable in time. Not everything I put a lot of effort into will end up perfect and beautiful. Most times, I just have to change my mind about things, accept things as they are, and move on. Silence is a blessing. Being able to draw things brings joy no matter how simple or awful they look in the end.
Art helps empty my mind as I focus on the colors and lines. Each work is a journey and a reflection of what's going on inside. I draw using references. What I choose to draw as well as how I draw it is largely impacted by how I feel at that day. My feelings are reflected through drawings.
I hope one day, I'll look back and flip through filled sketchbooks. I'm excited for that. And who knows? My child/children/someone may actually appreciate the thought I put into these things.
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