Waiting to be a Family of Three

February 5th, just the next day of my dad’s birthday, my husband and I found out that I am pregnant. This would be the fourth time I took a pregnancy test since I got married. The first three PTs were all negative and I had my hopes up for each one. I wasn’t too enthusiastic about this one, but it turned out to be the one that will show me those anticipated couple of lines. The next day, we went to a gathering with some friends. They kept asking if we were finally expecting. We said we had no idea when in truth, we had such a lovely surprise last night. After the gathering, we bought another PT “just to be sure”. Wednesday, we made the announcement to our families.

I can’t articulate how happy I am to be having this child. And yes, I do have my share of worries, but I am more excited than scared. A child is a gift, a blessing, a miracle. And yes, we’re finally starting our family. There’s a life inside of me that I have to protect and care for. What a great honor and astonishing responsibility!

I didn’t expect myself to change much. But I’m starting to feel a handful of discomforts in my body. For one, I keep going to the restroom to pee. My sense of smell is heightened, I can smell both the good and the bad. It’s uncomfortable. I hate the smell of garlic and onion. I feel like throwing up when I smell them. I constantly crave sweets but I have to be wary because my doctor warned me against them. There has been a constant call for discipline since finding out that I am with child. Goodbye to soda and junk food. But I’d do just about anything to ensure that our baby is healthy.

My fear stems from my latest ultrasound. The baby is nowhere to be found in my stomach. My doctor said that I need to be patient. My womb is only a little more than 4 weeks of age and the baby is usually not that visible during this stage. But I can’t help but worry. What if my baby doesn’t develop? What if on the second ultrasound, our baby is still invisible? The doctor said that will be a rare case but if that happens, then it is possible that my pregnancy has failed and we are left with an empty but ready vessel. “Be patient, and pray that the baby will develop,” my doctor said. Little does she know that being patient is one of the most difficult things for me to do. And yet, I am comforted. I am doing my best and I know I can’t force a seed to grow into a plant overnight, much less force our baby to form in my womb. I’ll just have to wait.